What’s to say about turning 25. As of last week I finally ditched my early twenties and entered a new realm of “twenty-something” that’s supposed to bring me new perspectives on life, liberty, and love. So the question still remains “What’s to say about turning 25?” The answer: Not much. You’re still at an age where no one really respects you or decisions in life, yet at the same time these people who don’t care, respect, and give any type of aid to you expect you to have all these responsibilities and if you slip up on them then OH GOD, watch out. It’s funny how quick the world wants to pounce on anyone who makes a mistake. I can’t say that I’m happy or proud of the past 5 years spent in my twenties BUT, I can proudly say I’m not afraid to make a mistake, mostly because I’ve made so many, have had many regrets and yes all the pain and stress I endured over the years, I would love to give it all back. But you can never go back. Time is funny that way. It constantly wants to push us forward, so fast that we miss what we were supposed to learn in the first place, until we come to a realization that’s too little too late. This then causes us to ponder, which then causes us to miss what we’re yet again supposed to learn moving forward, causing the same cycle to continue until we hit the marble tombstone dressed in our best-dressed attire and bodies filled with embolming fluid. As one of my favorite lines from the band The Kills says “Time. Doesn’t. Give. A. Shit.” So like I said, “What’s to say about turning 25.” NOTHING.
BUT, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. All this means is that I’m still unknown. Unknown to the world and possibly unknown to myself. There’s still so much I have yet to do, yet to see, yet to experience and yet I get bogged down by the constant clamour from people suggesting I need to do this and that, and be this and that, and if I haven’t gotten to this yet, then I’m (to paraphrase) universally fucked. Fucked in such a way, I might as well call the world a frat-house, and I’m the naive freshman girl who gets ruffied, waking up to a bunch of hetero-assholes threatening me to keep quiet about the situation.
Here’s the things I’ve learned over the past 5 years, which is funny because it was at 20 when I REALLY started learning the tricks and trades of the world.
1: WHETHER GOD IS REAL OR NOT IS IRRELEVANT IF YOU CAN’T FEED YOURSELF: This statement here is not a question about the existence of God. This is directed to the fact that when you’re down on your luck, with no food, no money, no job, and no hope at all to grasp onto, arguing with yourself about God and the Universe isn’t going to bring you happiness or bread on the table. I know many times I sat in my room, or in my car just pissed off about whether God existed and if IT did why would God let the world be what it is and allow so much shit to happen to me and the individuals around me. I was consumed with hunger on a daily basis( I literally couldn’t stand up one day from lack of food) and had whatever disparities and anxieties going on in my life, all the while, I’m focusing all my energy on the curses of the world and God’s seemingly uncaring nature, or if God is even there to begin with. Wallowing, that’s all I was doing and not saying there wasn’t good reason to wallow, but it was doing me absolutely no good. I can say from experience, when you just focus on getting yourself together, your spiritual path and inner turmoil will automatically engage some kind of resolution. Whether that leads to atheism or all out Evangelism, the world will confuse, confound, infuriate, and depress you, unless you give up this innate need to explain it’s paradox. Trying to solve a paradox is oxymoronic and a paradox upon it’s self. Simple steps to getting your life together:
Find a place of comfort
Forgive yourself/ Ditch shame
Save up your money
Figure yourself out
Figure out what you love to do
Pursue your career
Learn to care again
Once these things are put into place the confusion of God, the Universe, and society as a whole will soon wither away.